Borrowed Angels
by Dawger41
Summary: Claudia Joy along with family and friends are grieving the loss of Amanda. Things are trying to get back to normal, but can Claudia Joy find the will to live again?
1. Chapter 1

There she was sitting at the foot of the bed, Claudia Joy a woman of strength and hope. Claudia Joy was always the one to help the women that had husbands overseas; she was always the one to comfort the widows. She sat there putting on her pearl necklace; the one Michael gave her on their 5th wedding anniversary. A happy occasion, but happy is not a word that would describe Claudia Joy anymore. Claudia Joy just sits and stares of into space when images begin to flash her head.

"Amanda go, go!" Claudia Joy yelled at the hump bar. Amanda was in tears and didn't turn to the door she started towards her mother.

Claudia Joy continues to look into space when Michael walks up to the doorway.

"Claudia Joy...: Michael starts.

Claudia Joy doesn't hear him, she just keeps staring.

"Claudia Joy." Michael says once more this time getting her attention.

Claudia Joy looks up at her husband with a look of utter despair.

"It's time." Michael says to his wife.

Claudia Joy shakes her head and then gets up and walks past Michael, Michael in pain too turns and walks after her.

At the cemetery Roxy and Pamela walk over to Denise who is standing alone greeting a few strangers coming to support the Holden family.

"Hey." Roxy says hugging Denise.

"Hey." Denise replies back and then hugs Pamela.

Roxy looks around to see who is here and who isn't.

"Where's Jeremy?" Roxy asks.

"He's back at his base; he has mandatory training to get ready to ship out." Denise says.

Pamela and Roxy nod to her knowing how much Jeremy loved Amanda.

"How's he doing?" Pamela asks.

"Not good, I don't think he could have handled today." Denise says.

"It is definitely going to be a hard day." Pamela says.

Just then Rowland and Joan walk over to the group. There are exchanges of hugs even Joan gets in, because today there is no army, just friends and family mourning a young woman.

A little while later the funeral starts, there is a picture of Amanda on a stand. Michael picked his favorite picture of his daughter; it was one of her senior pictures. She's by the ocean walking but she turns her head and smiles. It definitely captures Amanda's youth; a youth that forever will be still in time.

There are a whole bunch of people standing and sitting. In the front facing the casket sit The Holden family. Michael in the middle with Claudia Joy on his left and Emmalyn on his right. Behind them sit Claudia Joy's brothers and some other family members from both sides. Across on the other side Rowland, Joan, Roxy, Pamela, and Denise stand facing to Holden family. The priest is in the middle doing the ceremony.

"The bible tells many different stories of people visited by angels. And those people were truly blesses. For in each case the angel changed their lives. However the angel could only stay for the briefest of moments. Amanda Holden was like one of those angels. "The priest starts. Claudia Joy wipes tears away from her face. Michael and Emmalyn keep their eyes on the priest.

"She visited us, she brought love, she changed lives and her stay was much to brief for us. Still she leaves us a legacy of love." the priest says. Everyone looks at the priest as he continues to talk. Michael begins to cry but holds himself back as he puts his arm around Emmalyn who doesn't cry but just puts her head in her father's chest. Roxy, Denise, and Pamela's eyes are all glued on Claudia Joy who is just staring at Amanda's casket.

"A friend of the Holden family would now like to recite a poem by Violet Allen." The priest says stepping back away from where he was standing.

Rowland squeezes Joan's hand and walks to where the priest was standing. He takes a deep breath and starts to recite the poem.

"_God, God, be lenient her first night there,the crib she slept in was so near my bed;her blue and white wool blanket was so soft,her pillow hollowed so to fit her head._" Rowland starts.

Claudia Joy just looks blankly at her daughter's casket. Pamela, Roxy, and Denise just look blankly at her knowing she's in pain.

"_Teach me that she'll not want small rooms or meWhen she has You and heavens immensity!" _Claudia Joy begins to well up but holds back the tears she wants to let out.

"_I always left a light out in the hall.I hoped to make her fearless in the dark;and yet, she was so small - one little light,Not in the room, it scarcely mattered. Hark!" _Rowland says turning and looking at Amanda's picture. Joan looks at the picture when Rowland does and wipes a single tear from her face.

"_No, no, she seldom cried! God, not to farfor her to see, this first night, light a star!_" Rowland finishes looking at the casket. As he walks back to his place people start moving towards the casket as the bag pipes begin to play and place roses on it. When Denise goes by it she kisses her hand and places it on the casket. As do Roxy and Pamela. When Rowland goes by he and Joan place their roses on it together and walk back to their seats hand in hand.

After everyone is back to their original places Michael puts his around Claudia Joy .As he does this Emmalyn gets up and walks over to Amanda's casket. Everyone looks at the young girl. Claudia Joy looks at her young daughter ready to go over and rescue her but Michael stops her. Shaking a bit Emmalyn pulls out a small teddy bear from her pocket and places it on the casket, her hand shakes as she places it on there. As she does this Pamela breaks into tears and Denise puts her arm around her. Emmalyn then walks back to her seat and Michael kisses her forehead tears trickling down his face.

Soon everybody is gone from the cemetery heading into their cars to the Sherwood's house where refreshments would be served and mingling would occur. Michael opens the back door to an army car to let Emmalyn inside but notices his wife is not their, he looks for Claudia Joy and soon realizes she is still standing by Amanda's casket. Denise, Roxy, Pamela, Joan, and Rowland are by their cars and look at Michael looking at Claudia Joy. Then most of their attention goes towards Claudia Joy who is just staring at her daughter's casket.

"Denise would you please take Emmalyn?" Michael asks.

"Of course." Denise says forcing a small smile.

Michael kisses and hugs Emmalyn as he sends her over to Denise who puts her arm around her and helps her into the car. Then she looks at Claudia Joy who isn't moving just staring. Michael heads over to Claudia Joy. The group looks at this Roxy begins to well up and Pamela hugs her and they get into their car.

Claudia Joy staring at the casket begins to have quick flashes of Amanda. Flashes of her looking at the bomb and then looking for her.

Michael walks over to Claudia Joy and takes her hand in his. She continues to stare at the casket. They stand there long after everybody leaves. Claudia Joy not wanting to leave her daughter again, Michael not wanting to either.


	2. Chapter 2

A few days have passed since the funeral and things are starting to get back to normal. Roxy is sitting at her kitchen table getting a stain out of her son TJ's shirt trying not look at the telephone, waiting for Trevor to call her. Denise is at work stocking shelves full of medical supplies. Rowland and Joan are sitting at their kitchen table drinking coffee and looking at their newspaper articles of choice. Pamela is sitting out on her front porch reading a magazine while also keeping an eye on her two kids who were throwing a play ball back and forth giggling like crazy. As she reads her eyes drift to the street to reveal a young girl jogging on the sidewalk. Pamela's eyes begin to focus and she realizes that the young girl is Emmalyn. Pamela's eyes are glued on the young girl who is just jogging, eyes focused, just jogging.

Claudia Joy is sitting on her couch looking straight at the wall not really thinking about anything when Michael comes down the stairs full out in army gear ready to get his first day back on the job over with. He looks at Claudia Joy who doesn't even acknowledge that he is here.

"I'll be back later, I have to deal with...well I have to start dealing with stuff." Michael says.

"Bye." Claudia Joy says to him not looking at him though.

Michael not knowing what to do goes over to the counter gets his keys and walks out the door.

Claudia Joy just stares blankly when images start to flash her head. The first image is of Amanda walking into the bar and standing right by the man who was strapped with the bomb. Claudia Joy just stares at Amanda and then begins to run to her.

Claudia Joy continues to look blankly when another image rushes her brain. This time it's the image of Amanda calling out for her, Claudia Joy continues to try to get to her.

Claudia Joy awakens from the day dream looks around and begins to cry. Not a full out bawl but begins to cry.


	3. Chapter 3

A few more days go by and things are most certainly back to normal.

"Hey, I just dropped off the kids at school and I headed home and realized if I go home I'm just gonna stare at that damn phone." Roxy says to Pamela who is once again sitting on her front porch swing drinking a glass of iced tea.

"Well sit on down." Pamela says. 

Roxy goes over and sits by Pamela.

"Have you talked to Claudia Joy lately?" Roxy asks.

"I went over there yesterday and did some laundry but Claudia Joy was sleeping." Pamela says.

"Sometimes I just can't wrap my head around it you know." Roxy says.

"Yeah I know what you mean, there rally are no words to describe this." Pamela says.

"Yeah and then..." Roxy starts but then something grabs her attention.

"And then what?" Pamela asks looking at Roxy who is staring at the street.

"Is that Emmalyn?" Roxy asks looking at the young girl that was running on the sidewalk.

"Yep she runs by everyday." Pamela says looking at the young girl that was far ahead of them now.

Roxy just looks at Emmalyn down the street and tears well up in her face.

"Denise told me that Emmalyn's not handling this very well." Pamela says.

Roxy looks down the street once more and then back at Pamela and puts her arm around her.

Later that day Denise arrives at Claudia Joy's house and opens the door. 

"Claudia Joy." Denise calls out, but no one answers. 

She then heads up the stairs and goes over to Claudia Joy's room but she's not in there. Then Denise takes a deep breath and heads over to Amanda's room. She walks up to the doorway and there she is. She sees Claudia Joy sitting on her bed looking at the window.

Denis gathers herself making sure tears were not an issue and calls out to her very best friend.

"Claudia Joy." Denise says softly.

Claudia Joy doesn't move she just continues to look out the window. Denise walks slowly over to her and sits next to her. Claudia Joy still continues to look out the window. Denise decides not to say anything and puts her hand on Claudia Joy's hand which is softly resting on the bed. 

A little while later Denise gets Claudia Joy to come downstairs and gets her to sit down at the table. Denise pours her a glass of orange juice. Claudia Joy not saying anything takes a sip, then looks around the house. The house is empty and quiet. No laughter, no foot steps bustling on the stairs, no music playing too loudly from stereos. Just quiet, too quiet. 

"Have you seen Emmalyn?" Claudia Joy asks getting out of the chair.

"Sweetie she's probably out for a walk or getting something to eat." Denise says going overt o Claudia Joy knowing she was getting worried.

"I'm going to try her cell phone." Claudia Joy says going over to the phone. As she picks up the phone an image goes over her head. It's of when Amanda didn't come home that night because she was out with Jeremy.

"Amanda it's your mother, where the hell are you." Claudia Joy said.

Claudia Joy ignores the image and begins to dial Emmalyn's cell phone number.

"She's not picking up." Claudia Joy says putting down the phone and begins to panic.

"Sweetie I'm sure she's fine." Denise says going over to her trying to reassure her.

"I have to find her." Claudia Joy says heading towards the door, Denise goes right behind her.

Across town at the local department store Roxy and Pamela are buying things.

"So no word from Chase yet?" Roxy asks.

"Nope, any word from Trevor?" Pamela asks.

"Nope." Roxy replies.

"Good lord we're a couple of winners." Pamela says while putting a package of paper plates in her cart.

"I find myself feeling lonelier now married, then I ever did single." Roxy says as she and Pamela continue to walk down the isle. 

"Yeah, I know the feeling but you have to remember that he is somewhere now feeling even more alone." Pamela says.

"Is that supposed to make me feel better?" Roxy asks looking at her best friend.

"No come on you just have to remember that you're not alone and he's not alone, you're together, you're in this together." Pamela says taking Roxy's hand.

"Your right." Roxy replies back when Emmalyn walks past them.

"Emmalyn!" Pamela calls out.

Emmalyn turns around and walks toward the two ladies.

"Hey how are you doing kiddo?" Roxy asks looking sympathetic towards the young girl whose life has been turned upside down.

"I'm fine; I just want to be left alone." Emmalyn says turning to walk away.

Roxy begins to call out to her but Pamela shushes her.

"Just let her go, she's not ready." Pamela says wiping her face.

Emmalyn is walking away when she sees her mother coming towards her, Denise right behind her.

"Mom." Emmalyn says surprised like.

"What do you think you're doing, don't ever leave my sight. Do you hear me don't you ever leave my sight again!" Claudia Joy yells going and taking Emmalyn's arm.

Emmalyn looks at her mother not knowing what to say. Denise goes over and pulls Claudia Joy back.

"Claudia Joy." Denise says to her.

Claudia Joy shakes her head and looks around. She sees people staring at her including Pamela and Roxy who are making their way towards them to help. Then Claudia Joy's head begins to spin. She begins to sweat.

"Oh my god what's happening?" Pamela asks going over to Claudia Joy trying to keep her from moving.

"She's having a panic attack." Denise says walking over to Claudia Joy.

Everything begins to turn and she begins to hear the sounds of the bombing. People yelling, people pushing, Amanda calling out for her, crying out her name, and then she hears a blast.

"No!" Claudia Joy yells out as she collapses to her knees on the floor.

That night Claudia Joy is looking in her mirror when Michael comes through the door.

"Emmalyn is staying the night with Denise." Michael says.

Claudia Joy continues to look at her mirror and begins to rearrange her jewelry in her night stand.

"What happened today?" Michael asks.

"Nothing." Claudia Joy replies.

"Come on Claudia Joy I am serious people have been talking about your display at the store earlier today." Michael says.

"It was nothing." Claudia Joy says to him looking straight at him, eyes and everything. The first time they have made eye contact since the bombing.

"It was not nothing, you had a panic attack." Michael says.

"Leave me alone." Claudia Joy says turning away from him.

"Claudia Joy you have got to stop behaving like this." Michael says.

"You're right because this is no way for the general's wife to be acting!" Claudia Joy yells as she leaves the room.

"That is not what I meant and you know it." Michael yells after her.

Claudia Joy just goes into Amanda's room and stares at it, she just stares at her bed, at the boxes her and Amanda packed the month before to be shipped out to UVA where Amanda was supposed to be attending. She stared at the pictures of her when she was little and pf her with her family. When Michael walks through the door.

"Claudia Joy." Michael says.

Claudia Joy doesn't answer him. 

"Claudia Joy." Michael yells.

Claudia Joy turns around at him.

"What do want, what do you want to say to me." Claudia Joy says.

"We have got to talk." Michael says.

"I don't want to talk." Claudia Joy says harshly.

"It's been weeks, and we have barely even said three words to each other!" Michael says.

"My daughter just died!" Claudia Joy yells.

"Our daughter just died." Michael yells back louder.

Claudia Joy just looks blankly at him as tears well up in his eyes.

"And there wasn't a damn thing I could do about it." Michael says crying

Claudia Joy just stares at him tears in her eyes. Then she really begins to bawl and she drops to her knees.

"Oh god, oh god." Claudia Joy cries out.

Michael goes over to her and wraps his arms around her, and they both cry in each other's arms. They both let out the long awaited tears that have been building up and let them out.


	4. Chapter 4

That morning Emmalyn wakes up at Denise's house. She gets up and puts on her running shorts and a tank top and went downstairs and out the door. There she starts to run, like she does every morning. She finds herself running to get away from it all. Running from her mother's tears, running from her father's yells, running from the army wives with hot dishes and flowers, but mostly running from her own pain. Amanda was her older sister and the one person she looked up to more than anyone. So Emmalyn runs and runs. But this time as she runs tears begin to fall down her face. This was new for Emmalyn because usually as she runs she just stares of to the distance. But this time was different. But she keeps on running her usual path, running and running. Outside on her porch as Pamela spends every morning she sees Emmalyn like she does every morning but something is different. Her eyes are glued on her until she finally sees Emmalyn drop to her knees on the sidewalk.

"Emmalyn!" Pamela yells running off the porch to her.

Pamela rushes over to Emmalyn and bends down to her.

"Sweetie, are you okay?" Pamela asks.

"She's gone, she's really gone." Emmalyn cries.

Pamela puts her arms around the young girl and rocks her back and forth. She rocks Emmalyn who is bawling for the first time. It's the first time Emmalyn lets herself feel the loss. Her loss, the loss of Amanda.

Soon after Pamela and Emmalyn are sitting on the swing on her porch. Emmalyn is calmed down now drinking water that Pamela handed to her to help catch her breath. They sit there talking when Claudia Joy comes up the road. Emmalyn sees her and looks at Pamela.

"Sweetie you have to talk to her, now is the perfect time." Pamela says while putting her hand to Emmalyn's cheek.

Emmalyn looks at her and then at Claudia Joy who is coming up the driveway. She comes up the stairs and looks at Pamela; Pamela gives her a slight smile and goes into her house. Claudia Joy hesitates but moves to Emmalyn.

"Sweetie are you okay, Pamela called me and told me what happened." Claudia Joy says while sitting down by Emmalyn.

"I'm fine; I just got tired that's all." Emmalyn says.

Claudia Joy looks at her daughter who was staring off into the distance.

"Emmalyn I want to explain what happened yesterday." Claudia Joy says.

Emmalyn looks up at her mother.

"I was downstairs with Denise and the quiet hit me, there was no sound; nobody around." Claudia Joy starts.

"And then it hit me that Amanda was gone and I froze and at that moment all I could think about was you. A thought came rushing to me that I lost you to and I panicked." Claudia Joy says fighting back tears.

Emmalyn looks at her mother and wipes a couple tears from her own cheek.

"Come on baby level with me tell me what's going on?" Claudia Joy asks.

"I can't tell you." Emmalyn says looking her mother right in the eye.

"You can't tell me, we tell each other everything." Claudia Joy says.

Emmalyn looks at the ground and then out into the street.

"I was afraid that if I stopped running and looked around and realized that Amanda wasn't there, I'd break down." Emmalyn says.

"Emmalyn its okay to feel sad." Claudia Joy says softly.

"But if I feel sad, I might cry, and I can't be brave for you." Emmalyn says looking into her mother's eyes.

"Emmalyn you do not have to be brave for me." Claudia Joy says not letting her self show pain.

"But you went through so much with...with everything; I just didn't want to make things worse." Emmalyn says turning away from her mother.

"Emmalyn we always share our feelings with each other, especially now, we are still a family." Claudia Joy says while turning Emmalyn softly towards her.

"I just, I just really miss her." Emmalyn says standing up off of the swing.

"I know, I miss her too." Claudia Joy says.

Then Claudia Joy's face turns even sadder and she looks at the ground.

"I am your mother and I am supposed to take care of you both but I didn't. I failed her, I failed Amanda." Claudia Joys says while resting her hands on her knees.

"Mom this wasn't your fault, it just happened." Emmalyn says while going back and sitting by her mother.

"I know Emmalyn but it still hurts." Claudia Joy says still looking at the ground.

"Mom." Emmalyn says holding back her tears.

"Mmmpphh." Claudia Joy says looking at her daughter.

"Is it okay to cry?" Emmalyn asks letting out some tears.

Claudia Joy looks at her daughter and then tears begin to fall out of her.

"You bet." Claudia Joy says reaching out for her daughter.

Then Claudia Joy holds Emmalyn and they both cry in each other's arms. They just sit there on the porch swing crying, finally mourning Amanda together.


End file.
